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Have you walked back into the work place in the new year with a new family argument looming over you?

Are you dreading the day that you are all on the rota to be there together?

There’s nothing unusual about a family feud at Christmas, and they are often packed away and forgotten along with the decorations. But what if you have to go back to work with the family members you’ve fallen out with, just a few days after the argument?

It could even be that the family business was the source of the tension or falling out, which can make it even harder to leave the feud in 2018.

While family businesses can be incredibly successful (accounting for almost 50% of private sector employment), the factors which make them great, can also tip very easily into a pressure cooker situation.

Add the stress of Christmas, emotions, family relationships and possibly alcohol into the equation and it’s easy to understand how any underlying issues can quickly bubble up and spiral out of control.

Sources of conflict in a family business

Unlike with an average job, where you can keep work separate from home, there’s much more at stake in a family business and it can be difficult to leave the emotions at the door. With a higher pressure situation can also come a greater risk of conflict.

Some of the potential sources of tension that can turn into a festive feud include:

  • Money – this is probably the most common conflict and can result from a variety of situations, such as expecting family members not to take any money, or preferential rates for some.
  • Succession conflict – this can arise when you haven’t defined a clear succession plan, as in who is going to take over and when. See our blog on succession planning to help prevent this problem arising.
  • Respect – Feelings of a lack of respect or being taken advantage of. We’ve also written about respect in a family business in a previous article.
  • Future direction – not being united on the future of the business and how it should look.
  • Unfair treatment – members of a family business can feel as if they are overlooked despite their skills and achievements in comparison to another member who may be higher in a perceived ‘pecking order’.

How to resolve the festive feud

While common festive family feuds can often be forgotten, if they have been caused by underlying tensions in a family business, they can be much harder to let go of.

  • Identify the underlying issues: If you’ve massively fallen out over who’s bringing the pudding to Christmas dinner, it’s likely that the real source of tension is something else. It can help to get these issues identified and aired once and for all.
  • Dealing with the underlying issues: It could be that getting things out in the open is enough to enable people to move past the feud. Or maybe you discover some issues that really do need to be resolved. Check out our blog for many more articles and tips that can help with running a family business. Tackling issues could include things like preparing formal job descriptions, setting goals, succession planning and creating a vision.
  • Re-evaluate what’s important: It can be worth revisiting why are you in the business together and why it, and your family members, are important to you. Is it really worth throwing away over a feud?
  • Start again: Once issues have been aired and tackled, agree to move on from it with some new terms of reference going forward.
  • Seek impartial help: If the feud is really bad and you feel you’re headed towards destruction, it can be useful to get a third-party mediator involved. Having someone look at the situation without the invested emotions could provide the clarity you need.

For expert help on resolving disputes in a family business, please contact Juliette Ryley ActionCoach to find out more.